Standing on My Own

On the day our couple channel hit thirty million followers, the milestone video was supposed to be my official debut on camera. I woke up at five in the morning to do my makeup and tried on a dozen different dresses. However, right before the cameras rolled, Julian stopped me. "Willow, let's have Evangeline do it instead. She's just more camera-ready. The fans will love her." Evangeline was my best friend. I stood frozen for a long time, but in the end, I simply nodded. From that day on, Julian and Evangeline played a romantic couple on screen for three years. I stood behind the lens, writing their scripts, setting up their lighting, and editing every single frame. I watched the comment section explode day after day. [They look so deeply in love! My favorite ship ever!] And I watched Julian hold Evangeline's hand with more and more ease. Until the night of our three-year anniversary stream, when the host asked them a question live on camera. "When was the exact moment you two felt the strongest spark for each other?" Julian and Evangeline smiled in perfect sync. "The very first day we shot together on camera." In an instant, the live stream chat erupted into wild cheers and screams. Sitting in the dark corner of the studio behind the control monitor, my heart sank. They had spent three years pretending to be in love, and I was the only fool who treated it like an act. As soon as the broadcast wrapped, I logged into the channel dashboard and revoked all my admin access. Then, I opened an email invitation for an overseas film project I had received two weeks ago and accepted it. From now on, I was done writing their love story. Chapter 1 Once the livestream ended, the studio erupted into wild cheers. "We just hit seventy million followers!" "Happy third anniversary, Jeline!" Staff members wheeled in a massive celebration cake, topped with photos of Julian and Evangeline, flanked by their official ship name, Jeline. Evangeline laughed softly, throwing her head back in delight. Julian stood close beside her, instinctively stepping in to block the party poppers before the falling confetti could stain her dress. "Take it easy, guys. Don't ruin her outfit." His voice wasn't sharp, but the action was so effortless that it was clear he’d shielded her like this a thousand times before. I sat behind the control panel, my headset still resting around my neck. The monitor was frozen on the final frame of the broadcast: Julian looking down at Evangeline, and Evangeline looking up at him with a glowing smile. The studio lights fell across their faces just right, like the picture-perfect climax of a long-planned romance. Someone walked past and clapped me on the shoulder. "Willow, that eye contact at the end was insane! If we chop that up into clips tonight, it’s going to break the internet." I gave a quiet nod. "Got it." Over the past three years, that seemed to be the only word I ever said. "Got it, I’ll write the script." "Got it, I’ll edit out the bloopers." "Got it, I’ll make them look like they’re deeply in love." When it came time to cut the cake, the crowd started chanting for Julian and Evangeline to do it together. Evangeline looked over at Julian with a smile. "Is that okay?" Without hesitation, Julian reached out, placing his hand gently over hers as they held the knife handle together. The room exploded in cheers and applause. I lowered my head to wrap up the cables. A sharp piece of the connector sliced into my fingertip, leaving a stinging red line. Though it hurt a little, that tiny prick of pain was instantly swallowed by the dull, suffocating ache spreading through my chest. When this account first started, it wasn't called Jeline, but Jillow—a space created by Julian and me. Back then, he still got nervous in front of the lens. He’d butcher a simple opening line a dozen times in a row while I’d sit behind the camera, gently prompting him again and again. "Julian, look at the camera and smile. Soften your tone a little on this line." He would mess up his hair, embarrassed. "Willow, am I that hopeless?" I’d raise the camera and laugh. "No way. You’re the handsome one here." He would then stare straight into the lens, looking through it as if he were looking directly at me. "Once this account takes off, you’re appearing on camera with me. I want everyone to know that you’re my real leading lady." And I believed him. So for three whole years, while fans flooded the comments asking who the girl behind the camera was, I never rushed him. I genuinely believed that one day he’d take my hand and pull me into the spotlight. That was until the day we hit thirty million followers. Julian looked at me, dressed up and ready to finally go on camera, and said, "Willow, let's have Evangeline do it instead. She's just more camera-ready." Honestly, it wasn't just Julian. Ever since I met Evangeline, I’d been living entirely in her shadow. Back in school, our classmates used to say, "Evangeline lights up the whole room, while Willow is so quiet." Even my own mom once sighed with a smile after meeting her, "She's such a gorgeous girl. I wish Evangeline were my daughter." Evangeline had immediately hooked her arm through mine, laughing it off. "Mrs. Foster, don't say that! Willow is a hundred times better than me. She's so sweet and devoted. I’m actually jealous of you!" My mother laughed, and I just lowered my head, smiling awkwardly. At the time, I truly considered Evangeline my best friend. Because whenever people compared us, she was always the only one who stepped up to defend me. Later, I told Julian about all of it. He had held me tight, his brow furrowed in frustration. "Willow, don't listen to them. You're not anyone's sidekick. To me, you'll always be the best." I really believed him then. I believed Julian would be the one person who would always see me for who I was. In the end, he was the one who decided Evangeline looked better on camera. He knew better than anyone how much I hated being compared to Evangeline. Yet, he was the very person who pushed me right back into her shadow. Chapter 2 After that day, Evangeline became the leading lady in front of the camera. It was only natural for the fans to assume that she had written all those sweet, romantic lines and viral relationship moments. Overnight, the comment section exploded with tens of thousands of messages. [So this is what his camera-shy girlfriend looks like. No wonder Julian hid her for so long!] [She’s drop-dead gorgeous and writes the scripts? Total package.] Julian and her are totally soulmates. Their visuals and chemistry are insane together.] I sat at my desk, staring at the comments on my monitor, my entire body feeling numb and ice-cold. They didn't know that I wrote every single script, or that I had trained Julian exactly when to turn back, and precisely what kind of look to give the camera. But because Evangeline was the one standing in front of the lens, every bit of romance became credited as her innate talent. All my hard work transformed into her shining halo. I was like an uncredited ghost, having written every step of their love story, only to be erased from the final cut by the same people. That night, Julian rewatched the final edit over and over again. He pointed at Evangeline on the screen and said, "She really is built for the camera. Her face is so memorable, and she isn't afraid to put her emotions out there." Sitting beside him, I let out a quiet, monosyllabic hum. Noticeably aware of my silence, Julian reached over and ruffled my hair softly. "Willow, you're great too. Your energy is just softer, more reserved. You're not really built for these high-drama, intense expressions." He said it so gently, almost soothingly. "You belong behind the camera. You're calm, detail-oriented, and far better at managing the bigger picture." Once upon a time, words like that would have made me happy. It would have felt like he truly understood me. However, at that moment, as I looked at Evangeline's vibrant, radiant face on the screen, I caught a glimpse of my own plain, pale reflection against the black monitor. A sharp, quiet pang pierced through my chest. There was no blood, but the pain made it hard to breathe. The celebration party raged on in the studio. Evangeline suddenly leaned down and rubbed her ankle, which Julian noticed immediately. He turned around, grabbed a pair of flat sneakers from a shopping bag nearby, and crouched in front of her. "Didn't I tell you not to wear those heels?" he scolded gently as he unbuckled her shoes and slipped the flats onto her feet. The crowd around them began teasing again. "Julian is way too whipped! No wonder fans say it doesn't look like acting!" I stood a short distance away, holding a coiled power cord. My mind unexpectedly flashed back to a shoot three years ago, when I was supposed to be on camera for the first time. I had put on a pair of brand-new heels to match a white dress I’d spent weeks preparing. I was on my feet for six straight hours that day. The heels chafed my ankles raw, blood sticking to the inside of the shoes. When Julian saw it, he only frowned and said, "Willow, bear with it a little longer. Today is huge for us. Don't throw off the shooting schedule." I nodded, gritted my teeth, and stepped back under the harsh studio lights. Yet in the end, the person standing in front of the camera was never me. After swapping into her flats, Evangeline walked over to me holding two glasses of champagne. "Willow, when you edit tonight's footage, could you extend that eye-contact scene between Julian and me by a few seconds? The fans seem to love that moment." "Sure," I replied softly. Evangeline’s face suddenly softened into a look of slight guilt. She gently took my hand. "Honestly, I get so anxious sometimes. You're Julian's actual girlfriend, yet I'm the one forced to pretend to be a couple with him on camera." She lowered her gaze, her voice dropping into a soft, vulnerable tone. "If it weren't for the account, and for all the blood, sweat, and tears you and Julian put into this for years, I would never hold his hand, hug him, or film those romantic scenes. "Willow, you don't take it personally, right? It's just work." Work—that word was such a convenient shield. Julian holding her hand was work, as was Julian kneeling to change her shoes. So what was this suffocating, heavy ache in my chest? Was that part of the job description too? If it was, then this job hurt too damn much. It hurt so badly that quitting felt less like stepping down and more like running for my life. Just then, the head of brand partnerships walked over, holding a fresh contract. "Willow, the brand wants us to shoot a marriage proposal theme for the next installment. They want to ride the hype from tonight's third anniversary stream." I froze, snapping my head up in shock. "A proposal?" Chapter 3 The business rep smiled enthusiastically. "Exactly! The brand said they want a 'destined for each other' vibe. With Julian and Evangeline blowing up right now, if we shoot a proposal, it's guaranteed to break the internet." My fingers froze on the page. When Julian and I first got together, he promised me that once our account hit ten million followers, he would propose. After hitting ten million, he said he was too busy and told me to wait until fifty million. Then, at fifty million, the channel was apparently in a crucial growth phase, and going public with our relationship would ruin our traction. Now, the account had seventy million followers, and the proposal shoot was finally here. Yet the bride standing in front of the camera still wasn't me. Julian walked over and glanced at the contract. "This looks good." He turned to look at me. "Willow, you handle the script. Evangeline said she wants a snow-capped mountain, a ring, and a tear-jerking confession. You're the best at crafting that kind of romantic atmosphere." His tone was completely natural. It seemed he had completely forgotten that a snow-capped mountain proposal was the exact setting I had always dreamed of. A long time ago, I showed him a photo of a mountain range covered in fresh snow. I had told him, "Julian, if you ever propose to me, I want it to be in the snow." Back then, he held me close, laughing softly. "Alright. When the time comes, my Willow is going to be the most beautiful bride on that mountain." I lowered my eyes, staring at the words "Marriage Proposal Theme" printed on the contract. It felt as if something heavy was slowly crushing my heart. Not a sharp pain, but a suffocating, unending ache that made it impossible to breathe. I looked up at him. "What about me?" Julian paused at first, caught off guard. Quickly, he softened his voice. "Willow, don't overthink this. It's just a commercial shoot. Once we wrap up this project, I'll make it up to you with a real proposal." I stared at him, suddenly finding myself completely speechless. So the snow-capped mountain proposal I had waited years for could be delayed for Evangeline, too. She got to wear the wedding dress and the ring, hear his confession, and receive everyone's blessings first. Only then would it be my turn to stand on the snow where Evangeline had already stood, leaving me with a rehearsed rerun of a moment that was supposed to be ours. Just like everything else I’d received over the past few years, I was forever second to Evangeline, forever handed down whatever was left behind after she took her turn. I looked down at the contract, a numb, bitter ache overflowing in my chest. If the moment was something he could just recycle for another woman, he could keep it. And as for Julian, I was done waiting for him. Chapter 4 When I got home, Julian seemed to realize that I had been unhappy all day. He wrapped his arms around me from behind, his voice dropping into a soft, coaxing tone. "Willow, don't be mad that I didn't pay enough attention to you today." His hand settled naturally on my waist. In the past, whenever he hugged me like this, my heart would instantly soften. But this time, I gently pushed him away. "I'm a little tired." Julian froze. He looked at me for a few long seconds before letting out a low, tired sigh. "Alright. Get some rest, then." With that, he picked up his phone and headed into the bathroom. As the shower started running, the tablet resting on the nightstand suddenly lit up. Julian's messaging app was still logged in. A text from Evangeline popped up. [Did you manage to soothe her?] [No.] Julian replied almost instantly. [She actually pushed me away just now.] Evangeline sent back a laughing emoji. [Ouch. How bruised is your ego?] A few seconds passed before Julian typed back. [Not really. Honestly, I'm glad she turned me down.] [After being together for so many years, I'm kind of tired of it.] [I can barely bring myself to be interested in her these days.] I stared at those lines of text, the warmth from my fingertips draining bit by bit until they were ice cold. So even just coming near me had become a chore Julian had to force himself through. Still, I didn't cry and kept scrolling. Their chat history felt endless. It was pages longer than my own text thread with Julian. Early on, my name appeared frequently in their chats. [Willow was on set all day today, do her feet still hurt?] [They hurt, but she’s stubborn and won't say it out loud. I'll buy her some ointment later.] Reading those early messages, my heart fluttered slightly. They really used to care about me. But as I scrolled further down, my name appeared less and less. They started chatting about their shoots, the sunsets, and the new earrings Evangeline had bought. I slowly dissolved into a stray, offhand sentence wedged between their days. [Willow’s been getting so sensitive lately. It's clearly just work, but she always acts like she's the victim.] [Don't be too hard on her. She just cares about you too much.] However, Evangeline's very next line read, [Though to be fair, she really isn't built for being on camera. That quiet vibe of hers just makes the whole frame feel cold.] A dry, sarcastic smirk tugged at the corner of my lips. Witnessing the double betrayal of my boyfriend and best friend, an overwhelming exhaustion suddenly settled into my bones. I was so tired that even feeling heartbroken felt like a waste of energy. Fortunately, in just three days, I would be getting on a plane abroad, never to serve as the backdrop for their love story ever again. The day of my flight happened to be the same as the proposal shoot. At the foot of the snow-capped mountain, the wind blew fiercely. Evangeline stood in the center of the frame, draped in a flowing white gown, looking so stunningly gorgeous that it resembled a carefully packaged dream. Julian stood opposite her in a tailored black overcoat, a velvet ring box resting in his hand. I stood behind the control monitor, my fingers stiff from the cold. I finished writing the proposal script just last night. The snowy mountain, the ring, the heartfelt confession—every single detail was something I had once secretly envisioned for myself. When Julian had finished reading the script, he had smiled and praised me. "Willow, you really get me. Evangeline is going to love this." I had only lowered my head with a faint smile, never telling him that it was never written for Evangeline in the first place. "Action!" Julian dropped to one knee, looking up at Evangeline as he recited the lines I had written. "I want to walk through countless snowy nights with you. I want the entire world to know that you are my one and only leading lady." With tears brimming in her eyes, Evangeline reached out her hand, and Julian slid the ring onto her finger. The fit was perfect. Chapter 5 Standing behind the monitor, I watched them embrace on screen. I felt so silly, stuck in the shadows behind the camera, watching someone else live out the life that was supposed to be mine. Once the director called cut, everyone crowded around the monitor to review the footage. The snow, the white gown, the ring—the imagery was breathtakingly cinematic. Julian and Evangeline looked so genuine that it felt impossible to fake. Julian suddenly walked over to my side. As if terrified someone might catch us, he discreetly reached out and slipped his fingers into mine. Then, slipping a second ring box from his coat pocket, he murmured, "Willow, that was just for the campaign. This one's yours." I had waited so long for this exact moment, for him to step away from the lens and choose me with absolute certainty. Yet as he slid the band onto my ring finger, not a single ripple of emotion stirred within me. The ring slid loosely down my skin. It was a full size too big, exactly Evangeline's size. Julian froze, sputtering out a quick explanation under his breath. "I must have picked up the wrong size. I'll exchange it when we get back." I stared at the ill-fitting ring, too exhausted to even force a smile. A shout called out from down the snowy trail, "Julian! Let's hit the afterparty!" Julian glanced back at me. "Willow, I'm going to head over first. Finish up the edits, then come join us, okay?" I gave him a soft nod. "Okay." That was the last time I would ever say 'okay' to him, because I was never going back. While they were at the afterparty, I returned to the hotel alone to pack my bags. On my laptop, every project file and edit was neatly cataloged. Opening the channel dashboard, I systematically revoked every administrative access tied to my account. By midnight, I was sitting alone on an outbound flight. Outside the window, the snow-covered landscape slowly shrank into the distance. I didn't look back once. This was the last love story I would ever write for them, and the final scene I would leave behind for Julian. Wherever I landed next, be it a snowfield or coast, I would never come back to him. Meanwhile, back at the celebration, Julian opened the final video file. His fingers suddenly faltered on the trackpad. He stared fixedly at the words "Final Cut", his heart skipping a heavy, unexplainable beat. A second later, a notification chimed on his screen. The instant Julian read the message, the easy smile froze on his face. He jolted upright, and the color drained from his face. It was an automated system alert from the channel dashboard. [Willow Foster removed themselves as Channel Admin.] [Channel ownership, script archives, and raw assets transfer complete.] Julian stared at the lines, the buzz from the alcohol vanishing instantly. Beside him, someone raised a glass. "Julian, tonight's final edit is absolute art! This Jeline proposal shoot is going to break the internet!" Julian didn't answer. His eyes were locked on the screen as a hollow void opened in his chest. It felt as though the foundation of everything he’d built had just been pulled out from under him. He immediately dialed my number. The first call went unanswered, as did the second call. By the third try, the only response was the robotic automated operator informing him the phone was switched off. Julian stood up abruptly, his chair clattering backward onto the floor. Evangeline jumped, startled. "Julian, what's wrong?" Without looking at her, he grabbed his car keys and bolted out the door. When he burst into the hotel room, it was pitch black and silent. My luggage and primary camera were gone. The only thing left on the nightstand was the ill-fitting ring resting on a simple note. [Julian, the final cut is uploaded. From now on, write your own love stories.] Julian stood frozen in place, motionless for a long time. In that moment, he finally remembered how the ring had slid loosely off my finger when he put it on earlier. At the time, he had simply said, "I picked up the wrong size. I'll exchange it later." But he had never stopped to think that the ring I had waited so many years for could not be so easily dismissed with a comment about a wrong size. More absurdly, he had bought it in Evangeline's size. Julian gripped the edge of the table, his knuckles turning white from the strain. His phone vibrated in his palm. It was from the manager. [Julian, what's going on with Willow?] [She stripped all her admin permissions.] [Who's supposed to handle the scripts for the next few shoots?]