My Death Was Your Best Birthday Gift

Three years ago, I was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder. A dark, suicidal alter was born inside my mind. To take care of me, Helen quit her six-figure job. David worked endless odd jobs after his regular shifts just to pay for my therapy. My five-year-old sister, Lily, did everything she could to help around the house, always walking on eggshells around me. Today was Lily's sixth birthday. Helen came to my room early in the morning. "Lily has suffered so much because of you over the years," Helen said, her voice heavy with exhaustion. "Today is her birthday. Just be good, Maya. Don't make a scene." I nodded obediently. What Helen didn't know was that in order to celebrate Lily's birthday, I had been taking my medication on time for a whole week. But the moment Lily's birthday cake was placed on the table, a blinding pain split my skull. Eve, my alter, was trying to take control of my body. Trembling, I gently tugged at Helen's sleeve. Before I could say a word, Helen -- who was usually so gentle -- slapped me hard across the face and dragged me into the bathroom. "It's Lily's birthday! Can't you stop faking your episodes for just one day?" "If you're really in that much pain, then just go die already!" "You psycho! You're ruining this family!" Helen screamed hysterically at me, slamming the bathroom door shut. Holding back my tears, I gave up. I stopped fighting Eve. I chose to set Helen, David, and Lily free. And I decided to let Eve have her wish. 1 Eve took over my body. I became a helpless ghost, forced to watch her try to kill us over and over again. When I was eight, she took advantage of our parents being at the care facility looking after my sick grandmother. She climbed onto the balcony, ready to jump. Luckily, David came home early and caught her just in time. But David broke his leg in the struggle. It took him three months before he could walk again. Last winter, Eve found a piece of broken glass while Helen wasn't looking and slashed our wrist. Helen scrambled to get me to the ER. She stayed by my hospital bed for three days and three nights without closing her eyes. But Eve wouldn't stop. Not long after we got discharged, she filled the bathtub to the brim and pushed my head underwater. In the end, it was Lily who pulled my shoulder so hard she dislocated her own joint, barely dragging me out of the tub. Eve used my body to court death again and again. Helen and David dragged me back from the edge every single time. Every time I woke up, my family would break down in tears. "Maya, I'm begging you, please stop doing this." "Are you trying to kill us all before you're satisfied?" "Maya, are you okay? We were so scared." To keep them from hurting, I used to swallow handfuls of pills just to fight Eve for control. But this time... Whatever. Eve looked at the eyebrow razor on the vanity, slipping it gently into her pocket. Instinctively, my consciousness screamed and struggled inside our mind. But then, Helen's words echoed in my head: "If you're really in that much pain, then just go die already!" I stopped fighting. Outside the door, David's confused voice drifted in. "Helen, where is Maya? Isn't she coming to eat cake with Lily?" Helen's voice cracked, filled with long-suppressed resentment. "She's in there, faking another episode." "I tolerate her drama every other day, but today is Lily's birthday. She just has to ruin it." "In all these years, Lily has never had a proper birthday party." David sighed, his voice dripping with pure exhaustion. "Let her cool down by herself. She needs to grow up." "Let's just celebrate with Lily. She just wants to eat some cake. We can't let her down again." Eve laughed mockingly inside my head. See? David and Helen don't love you. Why are you still holding on? They are miserable because of you. It's all your fault. I wanted to scream back at her. I wanted to say that they did love me! They gave up everything for me! But then I thought of the scar on David's shoulder, the dark circles under Helen's eyes, and Lily's desperate, people-pleasing smiles. Maybe Eve was right. I was the source of all their misery. To pay for my therapy, David worked multiple jobs. His back was so ruined he could barely stand, and on rainy days, the pain kept him bedridden. Helen had to run between the care facility for grandmother and home to watch me, sleeping barely three hours a night. Lily, at just five years old, did everything she could to please me, giving up her childhood just to keep the peace. If I died, maybe everyone would finally be happy. I stopped fighting. I watched as Eve turned on the faucet, stepping into the overflowing bathtub. Without a second of hesitation, she took the razor and sliced deep into our wrist. The water slowly bloomed into a deep, crimson red. My soul felt lighter, starting to float. This was good. It was finally over. David wouldn't have to spend his nights applying pain patches anymore. Helen wouldn't have to run herself into the ground trying to cure me. And Lily could finally have a normal, happy childhood. My family was finally free of their psycho daughter. Right before my consciousness fully faded, the control shifted back to me. Looking toward the bathroom door, I whispered my very last words. David, Helen, Lily... I'm so sorry. If there is a next life, I promise I won't burden you again. 2 When I opened my eyes again, I was floating right next to the dining table. David was gently covering Lily's eyes while Helen carefully brought out a fruit cake with lit candles. "Happy 6th birthday to our sweet Lily!" Lily opened her eyes, a look of pure joy on her face. "Mom, Dad, I've never seen such a beautiful cake!" My eyes welled with tears. When I first got sick, Lily was still a toddler. Because of me, she never had a real birthday. Every single year on her birthday, I would have a severe episode. Helen and David would have to rush me to the hospital, completely forgetting about her. This was literally the first time Lily had ever had a birthday cake. Helen turned her head to wipe away a tear, cutting a large slice for Lily. "Eat as much as you want, sweetheart." But Lily grabbed the plate and ran straight to the bathroom. She knocked softly on the door. "Maya, come out and eat cake! I saved you the sweetest piece!" I wrapped my ghostly arms around her tiny body, wishing I could speak to her. I'm sorry, Lily. I can't eat cake with you anymore. It's my fault. I ruined your birthday again. But my hands passed straight through her. I couldn't touch her. When no one answered, Lily lowered her head, walking back to the table, deflated. "Mom, is Maya mad at me? She won't talk to me." Helen pulled Lily into a hug, her voice hardening with anger. "Ignore her. She's just playing victim. She threatens to kill herself every time, and we always save her. She's doing it for attention again." "Today is your day, my princess. Let's not let her ruin it." As Helen spoke, she noticed the plate of food Lily had saved on the table for me. Frustrated, Helen swept the plate directly into the trash can. "If she wants to starve, let her. We don't owe her anything. I'm sick of her drama." I froze, tears pouring down my face. I'm not faking it. I was in so much pain every single day. Lily looked at the trash can, panicked, and tried to defend me. "Don't say that about Maya! She's just sick. She's really nice to me when she feels better." David patted Lily's back. "Lily, your sister is being selfish." "She only thinks about her own pain. She never thinks about what this family goes through." "Because of her, Helen and I are exhausted to the bone, and she still pulls these stunts." Floating in the air, I stared at David in disbelief. This was the dad who used to cherish me more than anything. It hadn't always been like this. Everything changed when I was seven. 3 When I was seven, David and Helen left me at our neighbor's house for an afternoon. The neighbor, Mr. Henderson, locked me in his basement and abused me. That was the day Eve was born. Eve would replay that basement nightmare in our head, over and over, begging for death. Back then, David would kneel by my bed, crying, begging for my forgiveness, promising he would protect me forever. But David, did you get tired too? I'm sorry. It really was all my fault. Even as a ghost, I felt a sharp, agonizing pain in my chest. Helen nudged David, her voice a mix of anger and grief. "How can you say that? Maya might be difficult, but we owe her this." Helen's eyes reddened. "She was only seven when that monster... if we hadn't left her there, she would be normal. She wouldn't be trying to end her life." "Today is Lily's birthday. Let's not fight. We'll have a serious talk with Maya tomorrow." Helen wiped her tears, gently stroking Lily's hair. "Lily, you didn't make a wish yet. Make a wish." Lily's face lit up. She closed her eyes tight and said with absolute sincerity: "I wish that David, Helen, Maya, and I can be together forever." Those words stabbed Helen right in the heart. Helen gasped, covering her mouth as she rushed into the bedroom. I could hear her muffled, agonizing sobs through the door. It was a cry of pure guilt, helplessness, and exhaustion. David's eyes turned red too. He silently placed a paper crown on Lily's head. "Dad promises you. We will be together forever." I wrapped my arms around David and Lily, whispering in the quiet room: I'm sorry, Lily. Your wish will never come true. But without me, you and our parents will be so much happier. No more medical bills, no more constant fear, no more sleepless nights. After tucking Lily into bed, David stood outside the bathroom door, knocking gently. "Maya, come on out. It's cold in there. Let me make you some food." "Don't you love my homemade steak? I'll make a huge plate just for you." Only dead silence answered him. I'll never get to taste your steak again. Seeing no response, David walked back into the bedroom and whispered to Helen. "Why did you lock Maya in the bathroom for so long?" "Her mental state is unstable. Shouldn't we check on her?" Helen remained silent for a moment before shaking her head. "I didn't lock the door. She can walk out whenever she wants." "There's only an eyebrow razor in there. She can't do any real damage with that." "We've coddled her for years because of her illness. She can't keep acting out like this." My tears fell silently. I was trying to be a good girl. I wasn't trying to act out. David sighed heavily. He sat down with Helen to calculate this month's bills. My therapy was over $1,500, and grandmother's care facility fees were astronomical. Helen covered her face, letting out a low, broken sob. "David... when will this end?" "Maya can't even go to school. We're going to have to support her for the rest of our lives. I don't know if we can survive this." David squeezed Helen's hand, pulling her into his chest. "She's our daughter, Helen. Even if we go broke, we have to cure her." "Once the construction project is done, I'll start driving Uber at night. We'll get through this." Looking at the silver hairs on David's head and Helen's tears, my heart shattered into a million pieces. They hadn't given up on me. They still loved me. But I realized it too late. 4 That night, David and Helen slept right outside the bathroom door. Watching them, my soul was crushed under the weight of guilt. As the first light of dawn broke, soft noises came from the kitchen. With bloodshot eyes, Helen stood by the stove, making creamy mushroom soup. When I was little and got sick, she would always make this for me. But ever since my diagnosis, she hadn't made it once. She was cooking it so carefully, exactly the way I used to beg for it. It smells so good. I want to taste it so badly... but I can't. Helen carried the bowl to the bathroom door, her voice raspy. "Maya, stop throwing a tantrum." "I made your favorite mushroom soup. It's warm. Eat some, and then take your meds." "I shouldn't have hit you yesterday. I shouldn't have said those things." "Lily is waiting to play with you. Come out, okay? Let's fix this." Nothing but absolute silence came from inside. Helen's patience finally snapped. Her face hardened. "Maya! Don't do this!" "Do you think faking your death is going to make us feel sorry for you? Haven't we suffered enough for you?" Still, there was no answer. Fuming, Helen slammed the bowl down on the floor, the soup splashing everywhere, and twisted the doorknob. "Maya, did you actually die in there?!"