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Your Tenderness Is a Frozen Lie
NovelShort
new
완결
Two kilometers from the summit of Mount Everest, my boyfriend John Rowe suggested we hold an anonymous vote to pick one person to stay behind. When the results came in, there were four of us, and all four votes were mine. John signed to me gently, explaining, "The oxygen is thinner up there, and you can't hear. It's safer for you to stay here." My best friend Odette Chavez stepped forward and wrapped me in a hug, her whole face full of reluctance to let me go.
챕터 (4)
第1章
Two kilometers short of the summit of Mount Everest, my boyfriend, John Rowe, suggested we hold an anonymous vote to choose one person who would stay behind.
When the results came in, four of us had voted, and I had four votes.
John signed to me gently as he explained. "The air's thinner up there, and you can't hear. It's safer for you to wait here."
Odette Chavez, my best friend, came over and hugged me, her face full of reluctance to let me go.
My brother, Edgar Henson, gave me a few quick instructions, took my gear, and left me with only a couple of pieces of bread.
My eyes went red as I stood there, dazed, listening to them walk off, talking and laughing.
"She'll be okay here on her own, right?" Edgar asked.
"She's deaf anyway. No point dragging her along." Odette's voice was cold.
John kept walking, one arm around Odette beside him.
"If you're really that worried, go back and keep her company."
He paused, then added, "That way Odette and I get some time alone."
Edgar didn't hesitate. He picked up his pace and caught up with them.
My mind went blank for a moment. I'd meant to tell them after we reached the top, the good news that my hearing had recovered.
Now it was clear that I was the extra one in all of this.
...
Tears had already blurred my eyes as I started down with the half bottle of oxygen they'd left me.
I'd only gone five hundred meters when the dizziness hit, and I had to stop and breathe from the tank.
The light was fading when the screen of the satellite phone suddenly lit up.
I picked it up. It was a message from John.
【Greta Henson, we've made it to the summit. The view up here is beautiful!】
【How are you doing right now? We'll meet back up tomorrow.】
I gave a small, bitter laugh and didn't reply.
When we'd realized the oxygen bottles we'd brought were only enough for three people to summit, John had suggested the vote.
I'd been afraid everyone would vote for Odette and that it would upset her, so I cast a vote for myself.
I'd even thought I'd stay behind with her and wait for John and Edgar to come back down.
I never once imagined I'd be the one they abandoned.
All at once the cold wrapped around my body, and I couldn't stop shaking.
And the medicine in my pack had all been taken by Edgar.
Trembling, I picked up the satellite phone and sent John a message.
Ten minutes passed with no reply.
I hit the call button directly, but still no one answered.
I forced myself to calm down and sent a message asking for help to the number I knew best.
I curled up, and my mind slowly grew hazy.
It wasn't until the next day, when a familiar sound reached my ears, that I woke.
I pushed hard against the ground with my hands and sat up.
What came into view was John, carrying Odette on his back.
I swallowed down the ache in my chest and glanced at the satellite phone. John still hadn't answered me.
I called out their names with everything I had, but not one of them looked my way.
My body was losing heat again, so much that I was shaking too hard to get any words out.
My legs were too weak to stand, so I could only drag myself toward them, inch by painful inch.
Just then the sound of a helicopter reached my ears.
My head jerked up. It had to be the rescue team she'd sent.
John shouted up toward the helicopter. "There's someone here with an injured foot!"
Soon they were pulled up into the helicopter.
I kept making noise, trying to draw their attention.
When the three of them saw me being lifted into the helicopter, their eyes filled with alarm.
John frowned. "Greta, why did you go down by yourself?"
"Do you know Odette twisted her ankle looking for you?"
"Didn't I tell you to stay put and wait for us?"
Only after he'd said it did John remember I couldn't hear, and he signed it all again.
A wave of bitterness rose in me. Slowly I reached out toward Edgar. "Give me the medicine."
Edgar hesitated, then dug around in his pack for a moment.
But John pressed his hand down and stopped him.
第2章
"The extra medicine, I left it all back at camp last night."
"I only kept the ointment Odette needed."
He studied me for a moment, then reached out and touched my forehead.
His hands moved with worry. "Why are you so hot?"
I gave a bitter little smile and pointed at the satellite phone in his pocket.
He pulled it out, glanced at it. "I didn't have time to check my messages yesterday."
Then he took off his own jacket and draped it over me, wrapping an arm around me so I leaned against his shoulder.
I wanted to pull away, but my whole body was drained, and I could only let him hold me.
Out of the corner of my eye I caught Odette glaring at me, hard.
At the hospital, he said a few words to Edgar.
Then he went off himself, supporting Odette to see the surgeon.
It wasn't until I was lying in the hospital bed on an IV drip that he finally walked in.
He picked up the thermos on the table and poured me a cup of hot water.
His hands signed, "Are you feeling any better now?"
I nodded. My head was full of images of him and Odette, close together.
I couldn't hold it back, and it came out. "When did you and Odette get so close?"
His pupils shrank, and then he turned it back on me. "Weren't you the one who kept telling me to look after her?"
My heart lurched. Last year, when Edgar and I went back home to visit Dad's grave, Odette had fallen seriously ill.
She'd been an orphan since she was small, and I was the only good friend she had.
I couldn't get back on short notice, so I asked John to help me look after her.
One thing led to another, and the two of them grew closer.
Later, when the pipes in Odette's place broke, when she bought big pieces of furniture, it was always John she got to help.
And I never noticed a single thing wrong. If anything, I was glad the two of them had become friends.
Only now did it hit me. I was the one who had handed Odette to John with my own hands.
Furious, I threw the blanket in my hands onto the floor.
Beside me, John's lips worked a few times, but in the end he said nothing.
The door of the hospital room was pushed open from outside.
Edgar walked in holding a stack of photos, Odette hopping along behind him on one foot.
John got up without hesitation and went over to help Odette to my side.
Edgar handed me the photos. The moment I saw the first one, my eyes stung.
It was a photo of John and Odette holding each other and kissing at the summit.
Seeing that I said nothing, John shot a glance at it, his face darkening in an instant, and immediately snatched the photos out of my hands.
Odette held my hand, her eyes the picture of innocence.
I lifted my gaze and let it drift lightly over their faces.
One was the brother I'd depended on since we were small, one was the best friend of ten years, one was the man I'd loved for five.
And all three of them had kept the same thing from me.
If I had to choose which one to give up first, between John and Odette, then I chose John.
I gripped the corner of the blanket, my voice trembling faintly.
"John, let's break up!"
The dullness in Odette's eyes lit up in a flash, and she nudged John with her arm.
John caught the tears welling in my eyes, sighed softly, and pulled me into his arms.
"Silly girl, is the fever still not down? You're talking nonsense."
"Just get some rest first!"
With that, he supported Odette and left.
A message flashed up on my phone screen. "Remember what you promised me. I'll come for you in two days."
第3章
Once my IV had finished, Edgar had somewhere to be and left too.
That left me alone in the empty ward.
Without meaning to, I walked to Odette's room. The door was ajar, and the sound of an argument came through it.
"Why won't you agree to break up with her? Do you still love her?"
Odette's eyes were wet, her voice choked with tears.
John held her hand, his gaze gentle, coaxing her softly.
"Odette, her ears ended up like this because of me."
"At the very least we should wait until her hearing recovers before we talk about this."
Odette's voice jumped an octave, her hand moving to rest on her belly.
"And what about me?"
"What about our child?"
"If she never gets better, does that mean you'll take care of her for the rest of her life?"
John said nothing more. He just pulled Odette tight against him.
And I leaned against the wall outside, crying without a sound.
Six months ago, John had invited me climbing, the way he always did.
When we reached the summit, he suddenly said a lot of wistful things, and I didn't understand what he meant.
The next second, lightning split the sky.
On instinct I rose on my toes and covered his ears. He was saying, "Greta, let's br—"
Then the thunder crashed, and I never caught the rest.
From that moment on, my world went silent.
John took me to the hospital, where the doctor said, "It could be temporary hearing loss, or it could be permanent."
I felt like my whole sky had fallen, and yet I didn't regret covering John's ears for even a second.
Afterward, he learned sign language alongside me.
And he told me, firmly, that no matter what became of me, he would always stay by my side and love me.
Only now do I understand that what he'd wanted to say back then was, "Let's break up!"
Two days later, we were all discharged.
Edgar sat in the front passenger seat, and I was wedged in the back between John and Odette.
Odette put on a sweet smile and signed to me quickly, sharing the funny things that had happened when they reached the summit.
I closed my eyes and kept breathing deeply, trying to ease the pressure in my chest.
Before long, Odette's irritated voice reached my ears.
"Back in school, she leaned on being smart and pretty, and the teachers and classmates all adored her."
"Now that she can't hear, who's she still putting on that superior act for?"
"My hand's sore from all this signing, and she won't even look."
A tear slid quietly from the corner of my eye.
The first time I met Odette, she was being bullied in the bathroom.
I was the one who rushed over to protect her and had a classmate go find a teacher to sort it out.
When I noticed how withdrawn she was, and that this kind of thing had happened to her more than once, I started arranging little coincidences every day just to run into her.
I was always asking after her, fussing over her, even though she stayed cold to me the whole time.
Then one day she was finally won over and started being my friend, and after that we were inseparable.
But it never once crossed my mind that in her eyes I was so contemptible.
I couldn't help but marvel at it. What a performance. Ten whole years, and she never once slipped.
John sighed softly. "There now, let me rub your hand for you."
I felt a stuffy warmth behind me, two hands laced together.
And Edgar never said a word the whole time.
Once we got home, the first thing I did was go to the bedroom John and I shared.
What hit my nose was the scent diffuser Odette liked most.
The bedding was from the same collection as the set at her place.
第4章
I had never noticed any of it before.
I dug through the closet and packed a few sets of the clothes I wore most.
Odette walked in, gave my suitcase one glance, and came straight to my side.
Her eyes were red-rimmed. "Greta, could you let me have John?"
"Our baby is already three months along. I don't want it growing up as a bastard everyone points at."
I'd known about the two of them for a while now, and still my chest closed up.
She gripped my hand, her eyes pleading.
Something bitter rose in my throat. I held back the tears and used the motion to pull my hand out of hers.
She didn't get an answer from me, so she dropped the act entirely, snatched the scissors off the table, and rushed out the door, shrieking.
"Greta, I'm begging you, give me and my baby a way out!"
I walked out slowly and heard John's hurried footsteps.
He soothed Odette with worry all over his face, took the scissors from her hand and tossed them at my feet, then shot me a small glance.
"When you hurt yourself like this, it breaks my heart."
Odette looked at me, her eyes lit with the taunt of someone already certain she'd won.
"I told Greta the truth. She wants me to abort the baby, told me not to wreck what the two of you have."
John's gaze lifted to me, thick with disgust, and his hands started to move in angry sign.
I bit down hard on my lip and forced my voice out, shaking. "I can hear you talking."
John stepped up in front of me and looked down at me from above.
"Greta Henson, if anything happens to Odette, I will never forgive you."
There was no joy in his eyes at hearing that I could hear. He never asked me once for the truth.
He only kept blaming me.
I threw it back at him, cold. "This has nothing to do with me. What gives you the right to take her word for it and decide I'm the one in the wrong?"
John seemed to laugh a little, his voice full of scorn.
"As if I don't know what kind of person you are."
"They say like mother, like daughter. Your mother threw herself at a man to be his mistress and still wouldn't take you."
"What makes you think you're any better than she is?"
The tears spilled over at once. "You're lying!"
She and I were nothing alike.
Back when we were still in love, I told him how my mother had gone off to be another man's mistress while my father was barely in the ground.
I told him I wasn't the kind of person who deserved to be loved.
He'd only ruffled my hair, tender with me. "That was her mistake, not yours."
"You're this good. You deserve my love."
He clamped down hard on my wrist and dragged me over in front of Odette.
"Apologize to Odette, and promise you'll take good care of her baby from now on, and I'll think about keeping you by my side as a mistress."
I stared at him, unable to believe it. "In your dreams."
Edgar had come upstairs too. He stood off to the side, wanting to speak and not speaking.
Odette slapped me across the face, pleased with herself. "John, since Greta won't do it, then forget it."
Only then did John let me go. I pressed a hand to my aching cheek.
They were the ones destroying everything with their own hands.
Just then the housekeeper came running up, flustered. "Sir, there's a crowd of people outside, saying they're here for Miss Henson."
She had finally come. I went back to my room, dragged out my suitcase, and headed for the door.
Behind me John clenched his fist and said, cold, "If you dare walk out, don't ever come back."
I walked on without turning my head and answered softly, "I'm never coming back."