Seven Years Childfree, but My Wife Bore Her Friend's Baby

When I still hadn't said anything, Viola looked at me, confused. "Antony, what on earth is wrong with you?" She hurried over to my side. She seemed genuinely worried about me. That look didn't seem faked. She touched my forehead. "You don't have a fever." I caught her hand and pulled it away from my forehead. "What's going on with Jack's profile photo?" Viola tensed, plainly. "What?" I looked at her and said it out, word by word. "In his profile photo, it's you and him together, holding a newborn baby." The guilt in Viola's eyes flickered and vanished, and she smiled. "That's his kid." "So what?" "My childhood friend isn't allowed to have a kid?" "Are you jealous of other people having babies again?" I looked at her and wanted to demand the truth, loudly. But somehow I felt like I'd suddenly gone mute, unable to force out a sound. Viola shook her head. "You don't actually want a child, do you?" "We agreed before we got married. We were going to have a childfree marriage, no kids, ever." "Are you telling me you want to break our agreement?" Every word she said drove deep into me. I used nearly all the strength I had. At last I broke through the lock in my throat. I forced out the question. "He's not even married. How does he have a kid?" Faced with my questioning. Viola said, clearly less sure of herself now. "I'm not really clear on that. Jack said it was his kid with his ex." "His girlfriend gave birth and then took off." "So he's raising the baby on his own." Watching her lie so brazenly, without even a blush. The ache in me only cut sharper. I pressed a hand to my chest and asked again. "Then why is it you and him holding the baby in that photo, like the three of you are the family?" Faced with me pressing again and again. Viola turned away, guilty. I said, "Don't you think that baby looks a lot like you?" "Enough!" With her back to me, Viola covered her ears. As if she couldn't stand to hear any more. I asked, "Is it that you can't explain, or that you won't?" "Antony, will you stop making a scene?" Viola turned to face me, anger and resentment on her face. "Normally you're a bit childish, you throw your little fits, and I put up with it. But what are you getting at now?" "Are you actually accusing me of cheating?" "How can your mind be this filthy?" "Jack is my childhood friend. What's between us is the purest friendship." She shouted louder than anyone. As if she were the one who'd been terribly wronged. But she had no idea what all of this was doing to me. It was like a knife driven hard through my heart. With every complaint she made. That knife pushed in another inch. I stared at her, at how she lied without a flicker of shame, and asked, "How long are you going to keep lying to me?" Viola screamed. "Antony, you're suspicious of me? You doubt me?" "We've been married seven years." "Seven whole years together, and you don't have a shred of trust in me?" "You really, truly disappoint me!"

Disappointed? How did she have the nerve to use that word? She had all but broken me. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I pointed at the phone lying by the bed and shouted, "How long are you going to keep lying?" "Jack's messages, I saw all of them!" The color drained from Viola's face. She stared at the phone, then at me. "You, you went through my phone?" Then she started talking to herself. "No, that's impossible. Jack and I agreed this would never reach you." "He wouldn't have said it in a message." "Never." I said it weakly. "Is it possible he did it on purpose?" Viola's eyes went wide. "No. Jack would never betray me!" Even now, she was still fooling herself. She had me so angry I could have spat blood. "Whatever his reason for exposing it, you've basically admitted it now." "Fine. Fine." I got up, took my pillow, and walked to the guest room, hollowed out. Viola just watched me go, quiet. Not one word of explanation. Until the middle of the night. I lay there turning over and over, unable to sleep. Viola came into the guest room and sat down on the edge of my bed. "I know you're not asleep." "I didn't lie to you on purpose." "I was just afraid you'd misunderstand, afraid you'd say no, afraid it would hurt you." The tears slid onto the pillow again, out of my control. Viola's voice came again. "Jack's pretty pitiful, all on his own." "He just wanted a child." "I'm his childhood friend, the person closest to him, and this was his one small wish." "If even I won't help him, who will?" "You have to understand my side too, don't you?" Was she here to explain herself? Or here to hurt me on purpose? Nearly every line of her explanation drove straight through me. I only wanted a child too. Just that one small wish. Who understood my side? I'd thought it was Viola. Only now did I finally see it. The person she understood wasn't me. "I've already talked it over with Jack." Viola's voice went on. "He won't use the child as an excuse to call me over anymore." "Only the three of us know about this. There won't be a fourth." "Let's just treat it like it never happened." "Let's go on with our life." As she said it, she wrapped her arms around my neck from behind. I pulled her hands off, hard. Viola cried out. "I came to apologize on my own, what more do you want from me!" Apologize? My eyes went wide in the dark. I imagine the look in them right then was something vicious. My wife had an affair and had a child with another man. Then came to me and told me like it was nothing. Said she'd already talked it over with him. That from now on none of us would bring it up. That no one would let it out. That our life would go on the same as before. This was an apology? "What are you shaking for?" Viola's voice came again, put out. How could she know I was shaking because she'd made me this angry. I swallowed a tear that tasted of salt. And finally said the words. "Let's, let's get a divorce?"

The room went dead silent in an instant. Silent enough to hear each other breathe. Then she thumped me hard on the back. "Antony, are you out of your mind?" "It's such a small thing." "And you're talking to me about divorce?" She seemed furious. Angrier than I was, she slammed the door and walked out. Bang. The door shut. The whole apartment shook with it. Alone in the dark, all I could see in front of me was a black, bottomless pit. I couldn't sleep the whole night. The next day I got up with dark circles under my eyes. The table was already set with a generous spread of breakfast. The thing I could never forget was her cooking. When we first met, that was what drew me in. Every day she would carefully make me all kinds of fancy pastries, dishes in every flavor. Each one made with care, always something a little different. The same dish would come out in a new, refined way each time. Back then, in my heart, this was the best food in the world. It all changed a year ago. A year ago, she suddenly said she had to go abroad for work, sent by her company, for a year, and when she got back she'd get a promotion and a raise. At the same time, I happened to be posted away too, for my own company's business. That whole year, we mostly talked over video. A few times I missed her so much I wanted, on impulse, to go find her. But every time I brought it up, she refused, firmly. Every time, she told me to wait a little longer. It's only now that I understand. That whole year, she was carrying a child for someone else! Viola seemed to have completely forgotten what I'd said the night before. She smiled at me. "Go wash up, then come eat breakfast." I looked again at the beautiful breakfast on the table. This used to be my happiest moment. My proudest moment, too. But now, looking at those breakfast dishes she'd arranged so prettily, I had no appetite at all. I said nothing and went to wash up. Brushing my teeth, I saw in the mirror Viola come up behind me. She wrapped her arms around me and leaned against my back. "I know you can't accept this right away." "But you can't say divorce." "You promised me. To love me a lifetime, to love me fiercely, to love me for lifetime after lifetime." "A man's word is worth its weight. You wouldn't go back on your own word, would you?" Every time she used to hold me like this. It warmed something in my chest. But now, my whole body crawled with goosebumps. I finished brushing my teeth quickly and washed my face. Then I pushed her off. "I'm going to be late for work." I grabbed my bag and left fast. Shutting the door, I glanced back at her. She looked wronged. But what did she have to feel wronged about? She cheated, and now she was the injured party? I was distracted at work all day. I made a mistake and got called into the boss's office over it. At lunch, eating, I scrolled onto someone's post on social media. 【My husband and I had a childfree marriage for seven years, and now I've had a baby for my childhood friend. My husband found out and wants a divorce. What should I do?】 The comments underneath were lively. Some sided with her. "Since it's a childfree marriage, that means the two of you were never going to have kids in this life, so having a baby for your childhood friend, giving him something to remember, that's perfectly reasonable, isn't it? If your husband can't even let this go, he doesn't love you at all." "The comment above is right, men are all unreliable. What's wrong with having a baby for your childhood friend? The womb belongs to us women. Don't we even get to decide what to do with our own bodies?" "Support you. A man like that isn't worth loving." But the voices against her seemed a little louder. "You wanted a childfree marriage, so why have a kid at all? And a kid for a man who isn't even your husband. Don't you think there's something seriously wrong with you?" "Exactly, you're playing favorites, aren't you? Your husband has to stay childfree with you, but your childhood friend gets to have you bear his kid?" "The key thing is, you didn't have a child with your husband. If you'd had one with him and then given it to your childhood friend, that could be accepted. But you're married, and you went and had a child with a man outside the marriage. What is that supposed to be?" "This is cheating! And you have the nerve to post about it here? No shame at all?" "Let me put it bluntly, behavior like yours means you've thrown your face away completely! Any man would divorce you!" "This can actually trend? It's an insult to my eyes." Soon the people cursing her grew, and took over. More and more criticism came pouring in. The poster deleted the post. I clicked into her profile. I scrolled through what she'd written before. 【My childhood friend asked me to have a baby for him. What should I do?】 【We were going to do it with medical insemination, but my childhood friend said that's bad for the body.】 【I'm pregnant. It's my childhood friend's. How do I explain this to my husband?】 【So much pressure. My husband video-calls me every day, and I'm terrified my lie will be exposed.】 【Finally had the baby. It's a boy.】 【So annoying, my milk keeps coming in. My husband asked why my top was wet. Good thing he doesn't understand any of it.】 【My childhood friend wants me to marry him. No way. I want the childfree life.】 【My husband is so good. I really do love my husband most after all.】 Reading these. Every single line made my heart bleed. I had no mind left for work, so I took a half day off. That afternoon, I went alone to the park where she and I used to walk. Watching the couples strolling in the park. Especially the families of three, out with their kids. Something in my chest went tight and choked. Just as I was about to leave, Jack came into view holding the baby, with Viola. It felt like my heart skipped half a beat. At the same moment, Viola saw me too. I turned to leave. But Viola came running after me and blocked my way. I'd thought she was going to apologize. Instead she said to me, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, "Antony, no matter what, you're my husband. You can't dodge this." "Since it's already happened, you should face it calmly." "Come see mine and Jack's baby, won't you?" "He's really adorable. Don't you love kids the most? How about you be his godfather from now on?"